Reflecting on The Night I Died

I remember very well the night I died. Somedays, that night seems a thousand years ago, and others like it is right there. So close I can feel it. I can smell it. I can taste it. It’s all so vivid. I remember it all. Who I was before that night is gone forever. In his place remained a shell of a man who, over time, has grown stronger and, in many ways, become a better man.

That fateful, moonless night in the skies over Iraq, it all ended when a catastrophic mechanical failure brought me down to earth with a thud – instantly paralyzed with a shattered back. Life, as I knew it, was over.

The war on terrorism was done with me. But a new war would await me once back home.

After three months of recovery in places like Walter Reed, the VA in Tampa, and the Shepherd Center in Atlanta, I returned home to start a new life. In my mind, I had lost it all – my identity as a man, a husband, a father, and a soldier. I soon lost my job and was medically retired from the Army with over twenty-three years of service. The great unknown now faced me. What would I do? None of this was ever in my plans for the future.

I went through the whole gambit of emotions. The elation that I was still alive. Anger at what I had become. Sadness over what was lost. Guilt over what I had done to my family. Depression set in, and I was unable to see the future. I often entertained thoughts of checking out. I kept everything inside and never reached out for help – a regretful and dangerous mistake. I was in genuine danger of becoming another veteran suicide statistic. But I was one of the lucky ones. I soon realized that God had other plans for me, and with the help of a loving wife, wonderful children, battle buddies, and new friends outside of the military, I started to see color again.

I found a new purpose in life.

I found new opportunities with organizations committed to our nation’s veterans. I learned how, to once again, enjoy life through sports like cycling, shooting, and hunting. I also found a way to give back by educating our nation’s children about sacrifice, patriotism, the cost of freedom, and the importance of education, especially in the STEM fields. Using high-tech equipment like the iBOT (a power chair that balances on two wheels, climbs stairs, and goes off-road) and an exoskeleton robotic suit that enabled me to stand and walk, I was able to capture the attention and imagination of these kids and hopefully plant a seed in their minds that will one day blossom into an idea that will change the world.

In helping others, I was actually helping myself. I was growing. I was healing. I was becoming stronger.

Reflecting on the Unexpected Journey

Fifteen years after my helicopter crash in Iraq, I’m in a place I never would have imagined I’d ever be. It’s a good place. The journey here has had many ups and downs. There have been many failures and successes. I have seen and done many things I never could have ever managed. I’ve seen a space shuttle launch, I’ve been on the Today Show, been on the cover of People magazine, I’ve walked around the Statue of Liberty in an exoskeleton, I’ve walked my daughters down the aisle in the same device, met countless amazing people, and made new lifelong friends. None of this would have been possible if I had quit.

What are some of the lessons I have learned?

Draw close to your family and friends. Have those one or two friends that you can talk to. Your “ride or die” friends. You need them. Talk to your family and those friends. Don’t let those fears and doubts take over, and don’t isolate yourself.

Strength is accepting that you can’t do it alone. You were never meant to do it alone.

Discover your new purpose. It may be different from what you thought it was going to be. You may be surprised to see where life will take you. But if you are breathing, God still has a purpose for you.

Lean on God. Go to Him. Turn to Him! He is there for you. He loves you and has so much more for you. In this world, you will have tribulations. But take heart! He has overcome the world, and so will you.

Lastly, never, ever quit. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Every day will have its challenges; at the end of every day, you will have your victories and successes.

My particular war is never over. It will always be with me in some form or another. But, just maybe, my experiences will help others overcome their challenges.

Spoken Outdoors (a 501(c)(3) organization) serves America’s Protectors by hosting events throughout the U.S. focusing on outdoor experiences that educate, stretch boundaries, challenge limits, and create confidence. Sign up for our newsletter, visit our website, and donate today.

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